Face The Music Page 6

  “Not at all.”

  “Good. Are you okay here for another minute?”

  “Take your time; it looks like I’ve got to catch up on some reading.” Molly had climbed onto the couch and snuggled against his side. He seemed content to sit with her.

  Emily grabbed my arm and pulled me into her room when I walked by her bedroom door. “What’s this all about?” she asked, nodding towards the living room.

  I kept my voice low. “He has a niece he really misses, so I invited him to the park to play with Molly. I thought it would cheer him up.” I gave her a sideways look. “You don’t mind, do you? We’re just going over to the playground for a while.”

  She grinned as she wrapped her apron around her waist. “Do you really think he’s here to play with Molly? I bet he’d rather play with you.” Her eyebrows lifted suggestively.

  “Would you keep it down?” The living room was just on the other side of her bedroom wall. “It’s not like that.” I mulled over the fact that I’d just had this same conversation with Lauren. “I have no interest in hooking up with Chris Knots. Did you give him my number, by the way?” I asked, thinking about the text he’d sent.

  “Nope,” she said, giving me a blank look. “How can you be so indifferent about him? Don’t you think he’s sexy? Because if you don’t, I-.”

  “You’ll nothing,” I said. “Just stay out if it, Em. Please.”

  After Emily left, I went to the bathroom and examined my hair in the mirror. The wind had taken a toll on my ponytail; flyaways stuck out in all directions. I yanked out the rubber band, shook it down, and ran a brush through it before going back to the living room. Molly was on Chris’s lap, showing off her princess book.

  “See that mouse?” she said, pointing. “It gonna be a horse. Isn’t that funny?”

  “What? I think you’re crazy. Mice can’t be horses,” he teased.

  Determination tugged at her brow as she flipped ahead a few pages. “See?” She stabbed at a picture with her little finger. “I told you so. It’s magic.”

  The two of them were so cute sitting there. It wasn’t often that Molly had the luxury of male company. “Molly, do you want to go outside?” I asked.

  They both looked up at me. Molly’s eyes were round with excitement. Chris’s were round too, but I didn’t know why.

  “The park?” Molly asked.

  I nodded.

  “Yes!” she squealed, jumping off Chris’s lap and running for her coat.

  Chris was still looking at me. “Your hair looks really nice down.”

  I felt myself redden as I played with the hair-band around my wrist. I never left the house without one. “Thanks.”

  Molly tugged on my pants. “Aunt Allie, is Chris coming too?” she whispered.

  “Why don’t you ask him?” I whispered back.

  She walked right up to him but stopped short of his knees. With her hands on her hips, she batted her little eyelashes and gave him a sweet smile. “Sup-a-star Chris, do you want to go outside and play with me?”

  He looked at her with complete adoration. “How could I possibly refuse? Are you ready?”

  She took his hand and pulled him towards the door.

  “How long have you been singing?” I asked once we were outside. The breeze was having a field day with my hair. I really wanted to pull it back.

  “As long as I can remember. I’ve always loved music. My mom put me in piano and guitar lessons when I was six. I’ve been playing ever since.”

  “So, you always wanted to be a musician?”

  “I wouldn’t say always. I hit a rough patch as a teen. It took a few years for me to pull my head out of my ass.”

  I didn’t want to pry, but curiosity got the best of me. “Rough patch? What happened?”

  He frowned a bit and shrugged. I wanted to kick myself for asking. “Let’s just say I had a rebellious streak. Found some trouble.”

  Fascination doesn’t even begin to describe what I felt. If I had been a cat I would have suffered nine deaths to find out more.

  “I was working as a mechanic when I auditioned for the show. Some friends and I had a garage band. We did okay, played a few nights a week at a local club, did a wedding every now and then. It was pretty low-key.” He laughed. “I’d never even considered going out for the show. My sister was the one who convinced me to try.”

  “Are you close with your family?”

  “Oh yeah. They’re great, I couldn’t ask for anything better. I’ve got three older brothers and a sister.”

  “You’re the baby?”

  He nodded. “Yep.”

  “I’m so jealous- I’ve always wanted a big family. It was just Emily and me. Things were always so quiet. Someday I’m going to have lots of kids. I want a whole houseful.”

  “Me too,” he said, fixing his eyes on my face. “Someday.”

  I shuddered.

  “What about you?” he asked. “What’s your story?”

  I gave him the run-down on my family, composed entirely of me, Molly, Emily, and Grams. “Grams suffers from dementia. She’s in a nursing home in the city. Most days she doesn’t even know her own name, much less mine.”

  “That must be really hard,” he said. “I can’t imagine.” We stopped to let a car zoom by, and I held onto Molly’s hand as we crossed the street. “I guess Emily was pretty young when she had Molly?” he asked once we got to the park.

  “Yep, she was a senior in high school when she got pregnant. Molly’s father was a few years older and took off when Emily told him she having a baby.”

  Chris groaned. “That’s too bad.”

  “Yeah, it was tough,” I agreed. “But Molly’s great. I wouldn’t trade her for anything.”

  “Of course not. What about the rest of your family? Where are your parents?”

  I looked at the ground and kicked a rock. It rolled a few times before coming to a stop against the curb. “We never knew our dad. He ran off before Emily was born. I was barely out of diapers, so I have no memories of him.”

  “And your mom?”

  A painful pressure filled my chest. “She passed away about three years ago.”

  I could feel his eyes on me as he waited for me to say something more, but I remained silent. Mom’s death wasn’t high on my list of conversation topics. Chris must have understood because he didn’t ask for details.

  “I’m sorry,” he said.

  Molly broke away from my hand and ran for a swing. “Chris, will you push me?” she called over her shoulder.

  “Of course I will!” His expression brightened as he chased after her. “How high?”

  “As high as the sky!” she cheered. “Higher…higher!” She yelled with each push.

  I sat on the swing next to hers and watched as the two played. It warmed my heart to see her so happy. When Molly was satisfied with Chris’s pushing, I looked up at him and poked out my lower lip. “Will you push me?”

  A gust of wind rustled the branches overhead. “Alright.” He grabbed my swing and pulled. “How high?” Not waiting for an answer, he let go of the chains and gave me a hefty push, launching me forward in a rush of air.

  I leaned into the swing, arching my head back and pushing my legs out in front of me. I closed my eyes as the breeze whipped through my hair and leaned forward when the swing started to descend. He pushed me again. “Okay,” I giggled breathlessly as the swing flew up. “That’s high enough!”

  We were outside for about an hour before the wind started to really blow. The swings twisted around their chains, and the flag whipped about its pole. Dark clouds rolled in from the west. I gave up on my hair and twisted the band around it.

  “Burr, I’m cold, Allie!” Molly said, wrapping her arms across her chest.

  I pulled the hood of her jacket up over her head. “Okay. Let’s go in. What do you want for dinner?”

  “Blueberry oatmeal and popcorn.” She answered as though it were a perfectly normal suggestion.

  Chris a
nd I looked at each other and burst out laughing. After catching his breath, he knelt down on one knee so that he was eye-level with her. “That’s quite a combination, and it sounds absolutely delicious, but how about if I take you and your aunt out for pizza instead?”

  “Pizza!” yelled Molly, clapping her hands and jumping up and down.

  “You don’t have to do that,” I said.

  “I want to,” he said, looking up at me. “There’s a good place a few blocks down.”

  The restaurant was warm and smelled of dough. We ate mostly in silence, and after we finished, I glanced at my watch. It was a little after seven. “Don’t you have to get back for rehearsal?”

  He frowned. “Yeah. But how about I walk you two back home first?”

  Molly and I put our coats on and waited for him outside while he paid. Fluffy, white flakes fell from the sky, dusting the sidewalk and trees with tiny crystals of ice.

  It was only a minute before Chris came out. He stomped his feet and rubbed his hands together. “Wow, it got cold!” He picked up Molly and pressed her against his chest, wrapping the front of his coat around her.

  For half of a second I was jealous of my young niece.

  The wind was sharp. We walked in silence towards my building. “Thanks for dinner,” I finally said when we rounded my corner.

  “Sure! Thanks for letting me barge in on your family time. It really means a lot.” His voice was soft as he glanced down at Molly. “Sometimes I feel like I’m all alone here.”

  “You, alone?” I laughed at the thought. “You’re always surrounded by people. How can you possibly feel alone?”

  “They’re just people, nobody important. I miss my people, you know?” He shook his head and adjusted his coat, covering Molly’s legs. “Can I ask you something?”

  “What?”

  “It’s kind of stupid, but…”

  “There’s no such thing as a stupid question. As a teacher I’m required by law to tell you that.” I raised my eyebrows, gave him an authoritative look, and then laughed.

  He grinned. “We usually have a little get-together on Monday nights after the show. It’s sort of a farewell party for whoever is going home that week. Anyway, I was thinking it would be fun if… if you came.” He then added, “Hopefully it won’t be my farewell party!”

  My stomach lurched at the idea.

  “But what do you think? Will you come?”

  I watched as he spoke; his breath condensed in the cold air with each word. He looked at me with those endlessly deep brown eyes and was so unintentionally seductive with the snow whirling around him that my mind blurred. I had to remind myself to breathe.

  “Allie?”

  I blinked and sucked in a deep breath of the crisp air. “Huh?”

  “The party?”

  “Mmmm…well, it sounds fun. I’ll have to see, though. I usually watch Molly on Monday nights. Can I get back to you?”

  “Of course. You have my number, right?”

  Indeed I did. “Yeah, and I’ve been trying to figure out, where did you get mine? I thought Emily gave it to you, but she said she didn’t.”

  A trace of a smile played at his mouth. “You did. You gave it to me that night at the club. You were pretty out of it by then.”

  I had absolutely no memory of that. “I wonder if there are any other strange men walking around Chicago with my number,” I muttered, annoyed at myself.

  He laughed. “Strange, huh? Look, I’m not trying to hook up with you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  “What?” I stopped walking and stared at him.

  “Your apartment walls are thin.” He watched as I digested what he was telling me. “But you have to admit, I am pretty sexy, right?”

  My mouth just hung open. “Is this your thing?” I asked once I’d found my voice. “You get off by feeding your ego at the expense of others?”

  He laughed again. “I like making you blush.”

  I shook my head in exasperation. What was I supposed to say to that?

  By the time we got inside, Molly had fallen asleep in his arms. He looked perfectly content as he cradled her. A turbulent wave swelled in my chest, and at that moment I became very aware of the fact that I was feeling something much more than my initial, physical attraction towards Chris. I swallowed hard and did my best to bury those feelings. I’d been burned once before. I had no desire to let it happen again.

  Chapter 7

  Saturday afternoon I went to see Grams. It had been weeks since my last visit to the Cedar Creek Nursing Home, and since Grams’s health was in a constant state of decline, I tried to stop by as much as I could. Although the quality of our visits grew increasingly worse as her disease progressed, I told myself that, deep down, she appreciated our time together.

  Alzheimer’s started claiming Grams’s mind about ten years earlier. At first she just seemed forgetful. She would lose her keys or misplace her purse, but it got worse over the years and one day she went for a walk and didn’t come home. Mom found her on a park bench about three miles from the house. She couldn’t tell us how she got there and didn’t remember the way home. Mom took her to a specialist after that, and it was then that we learned of her condition.

  Gramps took care of her for the first few years, but he had a heart condition and one morning just didn’t wake up. Poor Grams was devastated; after being married for nearly forty years she just couldn’t understand why Gramps wasn’t there anymore. She came to live with us after that, but then Mom died, and it got to be more than I could handle.

  Cedar Creek was recommended by one of her doctors. It was a top-notch place with a highly skilled staff, but their services didn’t come cheap. Grams’s social security only covered a fraction of it, so it was up to Emily and me to pay the rest. I gave them a substantial chunk of my modest income every month, but I had peace of mind knowing that she was receiving quality care, whether or not she was aware of it.

  The person at the front desk looked up at me and smiled. “Good morning, Ms. Banks.”

  “Hi, Erin. How is Grams today?”

  She frowned. “It’s been a rough morning. She’s confused and keeps asking about your mother. She’s in her room watching TV.”

  “Hmm,” I said, thinking about recent visits. Lately, Grams hadn’t known who I was. It took its toll on me. “Thanks for the warning.”

  Grams’s room was on the first floor, not far from the reception area. The walls were a pale yellow, and a vase filled with white daisies sat on her dresser. Aside from the aseptic, sterile smell, the place was actually very nice.

  She was sitting on her bed, wearing a blue robe and matching slippers. Her thin white hair looked like it had just been washed and combed, and she was wearing a creamy, coral colored lipstick.

  “Hi Grams!” I kept my voice cheerful but entered the room with caution.

  “Ann, is that you honey?”

  “No, Grams. It’s me, Allie. Ann is my mom, remember?”

  She studied me, as if she knew that she should know me but couldn’t quite put it together. After a minute she gave up and turned her attention back to the TV. “Would you turn the heater up? There’s a draft coming in through the window.”

  I adjusted the thermostat and sat on the hard, white chair across from her bed. “How are you feeling?” She was watching Family Feud, but confusion clouded her pale blue eyes. “I brought you some yarn. Are you still knitting?”

  Her eyebrows pulled in, causing a vertical crease to fold across her already wrinkled brow. “Knit? I don’t know how to do that.”

  “Yes, you do.” I ran my hand across the green afghan that was spread across her bed. “You made this, remember?” She stared at it without a trace of recollection.

  Her knitting basket was on the floor. I pulled out the needles and handed them to her, along with the yarn I’d brought. “Just try, I bet you can do it.”

  “I don’t want to. I’m watching my shows,” she said stubbornly, turning back to the TV. Some
days she could be more difficult than four-year-old Molly.

  I sat back in the chair and watched her focus on the TV. It was plain on her face that she didn’t understand what was going on. When I couldn’t take anymore, I pulled a sack of jellybeans out of my bag. “I brought you a surprise. Red Jelly Belly’s, your favorite!” My tone mirrored one that I’d use with a small child.

  “You were always such a good girl. Your father and I are so proud of you,” she said, reaching for the sack. “How was school today?”

  I sighed and slumped back in the chair. As hard as it was not to correct her, sometimes it was just easier to play along. “School was great.”

  She returned her attention to the screen.

  After sitting for what felt like an eternity, a nurse came in and said that lunch was being served in the main dining room.

  I got Grams up and helped her shuffle down the hall. She was getting so thin. The nurses said she didn’t eat much anymore, so after getting her settled at a table I tried to pick out something she would like.

  We sat in silence, and I was sad to watch as she picked at her ham and bean soup. It was heartbreaking to see her this way- she used to be so full of life. When I was younger, I spent almost every weekend with her. We used to go shopping and play house. In the winter we’d build snowmen, and once we made paper boats and floated them down the street after a heavy rain. Sometimes I would drape a blanket across my shoulders and pretend it was a cape. She would make a crown out of aluminum foil, give me her long strands of plastic beads, and I’d pretend I was queen of the world.

  She and I were so close. I could always tell her anything. Now she didn’t even know who I was. I knew her time would come soon, and in a way I was looking forward to it- not because I wanted her gone, but because I wanted her released from her own personal hell. The Grams I loved and remembered would not have wanted to live this way.

  A family at a nearby table played cards. Mom, Emily, Grams, Gramps, and I used to play. Every Sunday afternoon we’d gather around Grams’s solid oak dining room table for a big meal and a few games of Pinochle. Those were the days. I really missed those days.

  Grams finished picking at her food and said she was tired. I led her back to her room and helped her get into bed.